The bullet-proof chest/vest was a little too late though, as some of the projectiles already found their mark. 

 Mixed Media 11”x14” in process

This one was driven by memories of cruel words from childhood that pierced my heart.  Some are still firmly lodged in my psyche, probably never to be truly dissolved.   A great aunt who didn’t know I was in the next room whispering that she didn’t think I had much of a personality and was mousey.   Friends of my parents playing cards at the kitchen table when I ran into the house- maybe 9 years old with a skinned knee needing a band-aid.  As my mom washed the wound and applied the dressing, I heard a comment from the man at the card table, “Damn! She’s got the knobbiest knees I’ve ever seen!”   To this day I will not wear shorts above the knee.        From infancy I suffered from occasional bouts of eczema, before over-the-counter cortisone crèmes became available   During periods of inflammation kids would call me “alligator skin/fish scales”.     Long pants and long-sleeve shirts instead of shorts and tank tops became my ensemble of choice, even in summer.     Cruel words may initially come from exterior sources, but soon we may begin to internalize them and then play the tapes back to ourselves, multiplying and deepening the impact.    The effects of bullying in grade school and high school are now becoming documented and schools nationwide are adopting anti-bullying awareness programs.

As a young girl I wore glasses, those awful cat-like things that weren’t flattering to anyone.   I was small and skinny, introverted and shy.   I became comfortably invisible because invisibility was better than drawing attention, which could easily then take the form of ridicule or criticism.   Yet I distinctly remember two incidents where positive words from an adult also penetrated my psyche, somewhat counterbalancing the harshness of classmates.    One was an eighth grade English teacher who read an assigned essay of mine. She called me up after class one day, and told me I was smart and insightful and was a stand-out amongst her students.   Really?   Me?     The other incident at around the same age was when a lovely lady who cut our family’s hair had me reclined back in her salon chair to shampoo me and when she sat me up, without my glasses, to comb out my wet hair, stepped back from me as if she were startled – looked hard at me and said “You know, you REALLY have a very PRETTY face!!”     Me?   Pretty?   It must have been a well-kept secret, but I tucked those words away in my heart, wanting to believe them, maybe hoping the prophecy would come true?

Years later, as a young art teacher in the middle grades, I used to scan the students in each of my classes, looking for a girl who was awkward, quiet, mousy and insecure.   I especially like to focus on the ones with glasses.    I would quietly pull them aside, and whisper… “You know, I think you’re very smart and I know you’re a good student, but you are also really VERY pretty behind those glasses!  Just hang in there; you’re going to be beautiful!”    I always enjoyed the stunned look on their faces and hoped that those words stayed with them, helping to re-shape their internal self-image.